The debates last week were won on coolness, not policies

Now if I’m being totally honest, despite my seemingly intellectual rants in previous blog entries, I don’t actually know as much about politics as most of you people seem to think I do. Aside from a politics A-level, a sociology degree, a daily inspection of the BBC news website and a regular splattering of Question Time…well, I guess I know as much as the average Joe off the street.


So I’m not going to bore you with an in-depth political analysis of the UK’s first ever election debate between the leaders of the three main parties, whilst wittily throwing in a few references to the Icelandic Volcano. That would bring an ash cloud of misery to all loyal followers of this blog.


No, what I am going to do instead is poke fun at the debaters much like the multitude of Facebook groups that have sprung in the wake of this event.
So David Cameron. Suave and smooth (both verbally and facially) he may have been, but he most definitely bore the brunt of most of the internet comedy. Yes anecdotes were a mainstay strategy of all three debaters, but the Tory leader took it to another level – starting almost every argument with an account of how he met someone last week. I’m watching a political debate here David – not one man’s memoirs of his journeys through gloomy England.


One of my mates aptly called it “Story time with David Cameron”. Furthermore, in one example, he highlighted how one of these individuals he met was black – despite it making no difference whatsoever to the point he was making. His predictable rhetoric was inevitably parodied with this brilliant little website.


On a substance level (and I do apologize for breaking my promise about not delving into a political analysis) I did not appreciate how he equated China to being as dangerous as Iran when it came to the topic of which countries were a threat to world peace with their nuclear weapons. This is in spite of China being a permanent member of the Nuclear Safety Council and a regular discourager of North Korea’s weapons testing. It was clear he was attempting to play on peoples’ fears – an approach which was regularly employed by the Bush regime and picked up upon by political film maker Michael Moore in his rather brilliant documentary ‘Bowling for Columbine’.



Do we want to live under a government that looks to frighten us into supporting them? I sincerely hope not.

Moving on, Gordon Brown was tedious as usual. I don’t know what it is about him, maybe it’s his voice, but he seems to tinge every speech and answer he makes with a dark cloud of gloom and doom. I certainly don’t want to hear another few years of his voice delivering news on how the economy is slowly and surely making a recovery. It’s enough to make me slit my wrists and then hope I die a very quick death.

Additionally, he had an amusing habit of agreeing with most of the points Nick Clegg made. Is he a Lib Dem in disguise? Or are Labour planning to reinvent themselves again to create (god forbid) a fourth way? Of course this was picked up upon by the good people of the internet who dedicated a facebook group to his catch phrase: “I agree with Nick”.

I also found it rather amusing how Gordon Brown opted for a bright pink tie instead of the usual plush red of the Labour party. An allegedly bad-tempered, bulky Scott being tamed by a rather effeminate looking tie. Nice.

And finally, Nick Clegg. Well, call me biased, but I think he came out looking the best. Composed, charismatic and fresh. He didn’t resemble an old wreck like Brown or an overly polished plastic mannequin like Cameron. Perhaps those labeling him as the new Obama was a bit much (especially considering he’s not black) but he was cool, and for that adjective to be used on someone in politics is rarer than a Jeremy Clarkson endorsed ad campaign for People and Planet.

Furthermore, the fact he’s slept with no more than 30 women actually further raises my opinion of him. What an absolute lad. Just what we need in government – a bit of character and spunk. Excuse me.


Of course he didn’t escape humorous criticism entirely with many poking fun at his views on scrapping Trident. But I feel he is perhaps one of the best leaders the Lib Dems have had in years. And whilst the prospect of them gaining power is still incredibly unlikely, he has done enough to make Labour and the Conservatives quake in their boots at the likelihood of a hung parliament.



Go on Nick Clegg my son.

So there’s a General Election in two months…does anyone care?

So Gordon Brown has finally penned in 6^th of May as the date for the next General Election – or, if you prefer to be cynical, the end of Labour’s promising but ultimately stuttering reign. I say this because it almost seems a certainty now that come May, David Cameron will be our new Prime Minister. And it’s not because he’s hugely charismatic or possesses a wealth of exhilarating new ideas and policies. No, it’s because the British public have quite simply had enough of Labour’s drivel and crave some sort of a change. Although change is said with the tongue firmly in the cheek.

And herein lies the problem with British politics these days. EVERYTHING IS THE BLOODY SAME. The three main parties are so anxious about losing votes that to propose any sort of policy that strays too far from what the others have pledged would be considered political suicide. No one sticks to principles anymore. The Conservatives are no longer the right wing toffs us lefty students love to hate – they’re simply a reworking of Labour with a few environmental policies thrown in. Even my supported party, the Lib Dems, have joined this middle ground bandwagon. The British political scale is getting so crowded in the middle that it’s beginning to sag and bulge.

We no longer have the parties fighting their claimed corners. No Labour pledging for socialist rights and no Conservatives standing up for traditional Tory values. Every party just wants that media friendly leader who knows how to say the right things at the right time to get the masses on their side. Gordon Brown – dull. David Cameron – tiresome. Nick Clegg – dreary. There are no characters left in British politics. No charismatic leaders who will stir a crowd into a passionate frenzy or drive them to a chorus of boos and hisses.

I watched a program the other day which highlighted how in the 1950s, hundreds of people would turn up to political rallies to question the leader of the party in question directly – often resulting in heated debates. This no longer occurs – we are all too happy sitting on our sofas watching them spout out the same middle ground nonsense to us on television.

No wonder voter turnout is so low. And no wonder the BNP are gaining votes. The disenchanted and frustrated are turning towards this extreme right wing clap trap because they see it as the only real alternative in these ruthless economic times. Nick Griffin and his cronies are the only party that are not afraid to speak their mind – and unfortunately some sections of British society like that.

Quite simply, British politics needs an overhaul. There is no point offering change if it is simply a repackaging of what was once sold to us before in the past.

Personally, I will be unenthusiastically casting my vote on the 6^th of May in what will be one of the most uninspiring general elections for a very long time.

AND IN OTHER NEWS – NO MORE DRINK FOR ME.

Whilst the election campaigns hot up or, for want of a better phrase, creak slowly into life, I have decided to give up alcohol. For four weeks. Easy for most people but when you are a bordering alcoholic like me, this will be a challenge of monumental proportions.

I will go to clubs and bars realizing how over rated some of these places are and how appalling the music is. I will have to overcome my self - consciousness in these places by actually working on my confidence instead of reaching for a beer. I will have to learn to dance properly, instead of simply wriggling like a worm trying to escape a hole, in a bid to show that I’m vaguely attractive to the opposite sex. I will no longer believe I am the life of the party. I can no longer down my wine and post outrageous statuses on Facebook whilst on a dreaded downer. These are all things I will have to overcome.

On a more positive note, I will save a huge amount of money. My health, both mentally and physically, will improve significantly.

This is a challenge that I WILL complete. And if I complete it, I will consider extending it to 5 weeks. Then possibly 6 weeks and so on.

Wish me luck.