Kate Middleton is Pregnant. Who is the REAL father?

Nothing against William, but I’m sure is plenty of speculation on Kate’s bump. It’s not because we doubt his ability to procreate. But it's because we are aware of, let’s say,  a number of “contenders”  who are quite capable of utilising their crown jewels

Prince Harry – 6 to 4 chance

The firm favourite of course. William’s brother is consistently reported on every year in the tabloid press , often in controversial circumstances, usually involving women.  This is the royal who lets no paparazzi photographer stand in his way of having “a fuckin laugh”. Would it really be unthinkable that he would betray his own (half) brother?

All I’m going to say is, if there is even a single strand of ginger hair when that baby is born….

James Hewitt – 2 to 1 chance

A.K.A Prince Harry’s dad. (For legal reasons, I must state that the prior statement was intended to be humorous in nature, and is in no way declaring that James Hewitt is indeed Prince Harry’s father).

This upper class bad boy is no stranger to dipping his pen in royal ink. And who’s to say he wouldn’t have a go again?

Prince Charles 8 to 1 chance

Underneath that tree-hugging philanthropist image, is a lonely man in need of affection. Camilla is the antipathy of warmth and fondness. And Chaz has spent many a long weekend, looking after his first son’s daughter. Something MUST have happened.

Prince Phillip 12 to 1 chance

Blunt replies and lengthy trips to the hospital? All a foil to deflect the media from the real issue.

John Terry 15 to 1 chance

Injured for the last few weeks. Kate Middleton suddenly pregnant. Coincidence? [Apologies, this one has been plagiarised]

 David Cameron 20 to 1 chance

Suddenly he wants to change the rules so that every royal first born, no matter what gender, is first in line the throne? Who are you kidding Dave? That smarmy Eton smile is fooling no one.

Usain Bolt 100 to 1 chance

Good friends with Harry, sharing some fellow ‘lads banter’ with the ginger prince. His constant forays into the UK to promote himself and his Virgin Broadband, could easily have afforded him an opportunity to get to know the Royals even better.  And he’d make a speedy exit undetected out of that royal palace too.