I don’t think Usain Bolt had his tongue anywhere near his cheek this week, when he remarked in an interview with the BBC that he would one day like to play for Manchester United after hanging up his running shoes.
I have never seen Bolt with a football and have absolutely no idea what his skills with one are like. However, I will try and make some sort of honest assessment of how he would fair in football, based on what he has now.
Speed
Well, he is the fastest man in the world. That alone is a significant advantage. Forget the fact that his first, second and third touch would all probably send the ball 5 metres ahead, beside or behind him. His, quite frankly, frightening pace would compensate for this and allow him to catch up with it before any other player can intercept it. Ashley Cole, Aaron Lennon and Theo Walcott would all be eating his dust. And let’s be honest, when you’re in the Premiership, speed can make any below average player significantly better. Just look at Gabriel Agbonlahor.
Height
Manchester United lack a target man. And at 6ft 5 inches, Usain would be the perfect target to aim for. Height, like speed, compensates for lack of footballing skill in the Premiership. One only needs to look at Nikola Zigic and Nicklas Bentdner for evidence. In fact, I’m pretty sure, given his immense speed, that Usain Bolt could chase his own flick-ons from goal kicks. He could be making a mockery of experienced defenders like John Terry.
A United striker in the making?
Strength
The man has one of the mostly finely honed bodies in athletics. Frank Lampard would look even more of an abusing pie eater next to him. I mean Usain’s arms are almost as wide as my torso. He would be battering his way through defences Drogba-style with ease. The Arsenal defence would be torn to shreds.
Attitude
Usain is extremely dedicated to his training. He doesn’t drink alcohol at all, and when he goes clubbing you won’t ever see him in tabloids the next day falling into a taxi with Kingston’s finest. Alex Ferguson loves players like these. Just look at all the role models that have stayed at Manchester United for most of their careers: Ole Gunnar Solskjær, Paul Scholes, Ryan Giggs. Actually, I think that last one might need revising.
Conclusion
So could Usain Bolt play for Manchester United? I definitely think so. All they would need to do is to teach the guy to be able to vaguely kick a ball in one direction, and they could possibly have one of the deadliest players in the Premiership. Possibly.
