Kate Middleton is Pregnant. Who is the REAL father?

Nothing against William, but I’m sure is plenty of speculation on Kate’s bump. It’s not because we doubt his ability to procreate. But it's because we are aware of, let’s say,  a number of “contenders”  who are quite capable of utilising their crown jewels

Prince Harry – 6 to 4 chance

The firm favourite of course. William’s brother is consistently reported on every year in the tabloid press , often in controversial circumstances, usually involving women.  This is the royal who lets no paparazzi photographer stand in his way of having “a fuckin laugh”. Would it really be unthinkable that he would betray his own (half) brother?

All I’m going to say is, if there is even a single strand of ginger hair when that baby is born….

James Hewitt – 2 to 1 chance

A.K.A Prince Harry’s dad. (For legal reasons, I must state that the prior statement was intended to be humorous in nature, and is in no way declaring that James Hewitt is indeed Prince Harry’s father).

This upper class bad boy is no stranger to dipping his pen in royal ink. And who’s to say he wouldn’t have a go again?

Prince Charles 8 to 1 chance

Underneath that tree-hugging philanthropist image, is a lonely man in need of affection. Camilla is the antipathy of warmth and fondness. And Chaz has spent many a long weekend, looking after his first son’s daughter. Something MUST have happened.

Prince Phillip 12 to 1 chance

Blunt replies and lengthy trips to the hospital? All a foil to deflect the media from the real issue.

John Terry 15 to 1 chance

Injured for the last few weeks. Kate Middleton suddenly pregnant. Coincidence? [Apologies, this one has been plagiarised]

 David Cameron 20 to 1 chance

Suddenly he wants to change the rules so that every royal first born, no matter what gender, is first in line the throne? Who are you kidding Dave? That smarmy Eton smile is fooling no one.

Usain Bolt 100 to 1 chance

Good friends with Harry, sharing some fellow ‘lads banter’ with the ginger prince. His constant forays into the UK to promote himself and his Virgin Broadband, could easily have afforded him an opportunity to get to know the Royals even better.  And he’d make a speedy exit undetected out of that royal palace too.

Why I Applaud those Who Rant

I am probably one of the few people who finds the tweets of Joey Barton thoroughly entertaining. I don’t agree with 99.9% of the things he talks about, but the way in which he is so forceful and determined to prove others wrong is just hilarious.




David Mitchell and Jeremy Clarkson are also two other celebrities who are in a similar vein. There are very few views Jeremy Clarkson and myself share. He has an absolute disregard for environmental matters, he is incredibly self-centred; and his political views are bordering on far right at times.

But the way in which he shows utter contempt for what people think of his opinions, and the forceful and amusing manner that he uses to airs these views has held my respect since I first started watching him.

And it’s not just ranting celebrities that I have respect for either. Journalists who write articles, friends who Tweet and Facebook with passion, anger and vigour. I can’t deny it, but it really does bring a smile to my face when I read them.

And I can’t fully explain why I enjoy it so much and why it’s become a pillar of my personality.

It could be partly down to the fact I spent most of youth as a guitarist and vocalist of an angry punk band which, by the way, you can still find our Myspace here: www.myspace.com/BeyondRepair

Writing those lyrics remonstrating against all the ills of society and shouting them out (with real anger I must add) on stage during our songs, whilst trying to prove a point to the world. It was just so refreshing, liberating and ultimately satisfying.

My mother is a similarly strongly viewed, person who will stop at nothing to ensure her opinions are heard. It could just be a simply case of genetics, if you’re in the school of thought that personalities can be biologically inherited.

We need more of these personalities. It’s not the people who keep their head under and plod along who get noticed. It’s the people who stick their head out and make a scene that do. Who's views do you remember more: John Major and Ian Duncan Smith? Or Jeremy Clarkson and Joey Barton?

It’s healthy to let these feelings out. If we bottle them up, what happens? Breakdown of relationships with friends and partners? Increased stress at work? Mental breakdowns resulting in the person in question picking up a shotgun, walking into a supermarket and shooting everyone in sight?

I shudder at the thought.

As Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day once said “It's sexy to be an angry young man, not a bitter old bastard.”

And whilst I’m still in my twenties, I will continue to live by this mantra.

My First Visit into Beijing

A few weeks ago, I went on my first foray into what I consider my first real trip into China. I visited Beijing – the capital of the People’s Republic of China.

Although I have been to Hong Kong countless times, and also ventured over the border into Shenzhen, I consider neither of these cities to be true visits to the PRC. 

Hong Kong is a former British colony that is still governed as a separate state, where freedom of speech and many British laws still upheld. Shenzhen, although it sits just inside the confines of the communist regime, is simply multicultural mish mash of different peoples, and a hub of retail and trade much like Hong Kong.

Beijing is China. It is the capital, it is where the country’s government is headquartered, it is where many of China’s iconic historical monuments lie.

Upon arriving in the city, I was met with the bitter coldness of the Northern China winter – a stark contrast to the twenty-five degrees warmth I was enjoying in Hong Kong before the three and half hour flight to the capital.

The first thing I noticed was the sheer size of the city. To put it quite simply, everything was huge. Like many of the cities in the United States, Beijing is built on a grid system. There are long, straight roads, intersected by wide, sweeping boulevards comprised of up to twelve lanes.

Contrast this with Hong Kong, where the roads are narrow, sometimes winding, and often confusing, much like the streets of London.

Beijing is a megacity. A metropolis. Nearly twice the size of London and with a population of twenty million.

A city population that is almost the same size as the population of Australia.

And it wasn’t just the roads and the amount of people that were huge. Many of the historical monuments within the city were on a similarly grand scale.

Tiananmen Square could have easily accommodated several jumbo jets; The Forbidden City took us three hours to walk; The Summer Palace could have swallowed New York’s Central Park; The Great Wall was simply epic; and even the Olympic Park exuded sheer vastness.

I was particularly impressed by the Forbidden City and The Great Wall. These were structures that were built hundreds of years ago, without the aid of mechanical machinery and without the calculations from computers. These impressive monuments which, although are well known now across most of the world, are still astounding to witness close up.

I have been to many Asian destinations in my time. Japan has some extremely pretty historical sites, as does Taiwan. Thailand as well.  But the awe-inspiring size of some the structures in Beijing and China trumps all of them.

What also intrigued me, was the noticeable differences between these people of the north and the Chinese I was accustomed to in Hong Kong and the south.

Physically, northern Chinese are taller. Research has shown that the difference in height between northern Chinese and southern Chinese, is greater than the difference in height between Northern Europeans and Southern Europeans.  

In terms of cuisine, I noticed an absence of noodles in nearly all the meals we had – a staple in Hong Kong and southern China. Dumplings and bread were far more prevalent, and potatoes even made an appearance several times, particularly in the Mongolian restaurant we went to. This perhaps partly explains why Northern Chinese are taller than their southern counterparts, along with the climate.

Northern Chinese are also far louder than people in Hong Kong, which isn’t exactly a city of angels either. Prior to visiting Mainland China, I had been warned about the differences in manners I would experience.

Although Hong Kongers can be somewhat more direct than the British, this did not prepare me for some of the things I experienced in Beijing. The idea of queuing simply did not exist in many of the tourist areas we went to. Pushing and shoving is the law as was spitting on the ground and in the toilets.

The vast majority of toilets are also still traditional squat style toilets with fairly atrocious standards of hygiene. In the few western style toilets we did use, my mum noticed two foot prints on the seat – obviously a person before hand had stood on the seat and tried to use it as a squat toilet.  Thankfully, we witnessed none of this in our nice, comfortable five star Hilton Hotel.

Despite its rapid economic development, which has transformed the country from a society of peasants to a modern state with an impressive GDP, China is still a land of stark contrasts. This is particularly illustrated in Beijing where looming financial glass structures, and high-class hotels sit side by side with worn down tower blocks.

The shopping districts of Beijing can easily rival those of any western European city for choice and class. But venture down a few streets and you will be hounded by desperate locals, dressed in worn down clothes trying to sell you tourist memorabilia in order to make ends meet.

What was also quite disappointing to see, was how a few of places within the Olympic Park had fallen into slight disrepair. It is no secret that the Chinese government has faltered slightly in securing continuous revenue for the site that had the eyes of the world on them in 2008. One hopes that the same does not happen to London.

Even though China is beginning to cement itself as the second superpower in the world, there are still several issues the Chinese government has to address. The most important of which, is how to lift many the other millions people still in poverty out of it.  Clearly evident in some areas I saw in Beijing.

Despite this, Beijing and China should be on everyone’s list of places to visit. It is a simply monumental place.

Footballers vs Bankers. Why Those who Complain about the Former, but Defend the Latter, Really Need to Stop and Think.

Why have I chosen to pit footballers against bankers in this entry then? It’s because usually the people who complain about footballers and their extraordinary wages, are the same people who defend the bankers - who also have astonishing pay cheques.

Honestly, the hypocrisy that exudes from such individuals who complain about footballers is astounding.

“Footballers are paid ridiculous wages just for kicking a ball around”. Yes they are paid very large sums of money for their services.

But before I go on, I’m willing to bet my house that every single one of these individuals, who make such a statement statement, would take a footballer’s wage if it was offered to them at the drop of a hat.

The good majority of people who complain about footballer’s wages are not football fans. Therefore they are very unlikely to be contributing to their wealth.

They don’t pay for Sky Sports, they don’t buy tickets to attend matches, they don’t purchase any merchandise, and they most likely don’t use any of the products that the footballers are sponsored by.

Footballers are very much paid for by people who like football.

You have a choice whether you want to contribute towards a footballer’s salary. Now contrast that with bankers, where many of them have their wages paid for, or supplemented, by taxpayers.

Not only that, many of the banks were bailed by taxpayers. There is no way for people to opt out. Whether you like it or not, your tax money has gone towards their pay. So I have every right to complain about their bonus culture and their irresponsible financial gambling.

On top of this, the actions of bankers can have a direct affect on the quality of my life

The last time a footballer underperformed or failed at his job, the global economy did not spectacularly dip into a recession.

Fernando Torres, missing yet another easy chance, does not cause unemployment to rise by 2 million.

Frank Lampard putting in a poor performance one weekend, does not cause Investors to suddenly lose confidence and panic sell their shares, thereby causing the FTSE Index to dramatically plummet.

When footballers underperform or fail at their jobs, all you get is some disgruntled fans and an angry football manager,

And no, it’s not just “kicking a ball around”. The control of a ball using one’s feet is a difficult technique that takes many years to hone. Many of the top footballers have been kicking a ball since they started walking. Not only that, to be a professional footballer these days requires intense training and discipline, to acquire the athleticism and strength that enable them to compete with all the other athletes (yes they are athletes) on the field.

To put it simply, footballers work for their money. Just like everyone else. They just so happen to be lucky enough to be an industry where they are paid way more than the average person for their services.

What’s also amazing is that many of these people who complain, seemingly forget about that other sporting professions out there that pay sky high wages.

Tennis players, Golfers and Formula One drivers can all take home extraordinary six figure sums. In fact, some of the top Golfers and Formula One drivers have earnings that eclipse that of the top Footballers.

Yet they escape the wrath of these complainers. Perhaps they’re just middle class enough to get their approval.

It seems that many of these whiners just have something against football, rather actually believing in their own arguments. Case in point, during the 2010 World Cup, I noticed several people putting up Facebook statuses comparing footballers with soldiers, and criticizing the former in an attempt to praise the latter.

Of course, I am not denouncing soldiers at all. They are courageous men who carry out orders valiantly for the country, often dying whilst doing so. They have my utmost respect. But really, what do footballers have to do with soldiers? It seemed these bitter individuals were using the death of soldiers in order to demonstrate their hatred of footballers – which, I feel, is very disrespectful.

In a way, it’s just like the people who make a song and dance (excuse the pun) of hating X factor and Britain’s Got Talent. Why don’t you just, er, not watch it?

I am not singing the praises of footballers. Indeed, a great many of them need to re-evaluate themselves and attempt to be better role models (I’m looking at you, John Terry). Many of them also need to give more back to the fans who support them every weekend.

I also understand, that bankers are not the sole reason for the recession we faced, and that they can also contribute massively towards our economy when they do their jobs correctly.

But really, to single out footballers yet defend the bankers, smacks of hypocrisy and a real lack of understanding of the facts. And I think the people that do this, really need get their priorities right.

Jeremy Lin…finally!

I truly believe America is still one of the most difficult countries for a Chinese person to succeed. Never mind the so called American dream; or the fact America is one of the wealthiest countries in the world; or the fact the Chinese are one of the largest ethnic groups in this wealthy country.

If you are a Chinese person in America and you want to reach great heights, well, you’d better have the best metaphorical climbing equipment you can get your hands on.

And though I may be grabbing onto the bandwagon and hauling myself on, I have to say, this is why Jeremy Lin has done extraordinarily well.

More importantly, he’s done well in sport. An arena where the Chinese barely get a shot in America such is their obsession with size, strength and speed. Understandable though, as nearly all their favourite sports require the physical attributes of a gladiator.

Jeremy Lin is the first American Born Asian to truly make an impact in American sport. Forget Yao Ming. He was mainland Chinese and, so I have been told, not that great at basketball anyway. Jeremy Lin is actually someone who lived and grew up in America and is a role model that overseas Chinese can finally relate to.

A Chinese man with a western accent who is, at the risk of sounding like a boorish American, kicking ass.

He has succeeded in a society where discrimination occurs heavily along racial lines, where racial stereotypes are heavily reinforced by the media and American culture. Lin was overlooked by many team drafts not just because of his unflashy style of basketball, but also because of the belief held by many that an Asian could never make it in sport.

And with China now fast becoming the only super power to rival the U.S, a new set of stereotypes are fast evolving and being embedded in the American consciousness.

This is why we need Jeremy Lin. An Asian American sports star who breaks down these stereotypes and shows the Americans the Chinese aren’t just a bunch of pushovers.

Now we just need a British version in the English Premier League.

Steven Gerrard is not World Class – Why Most English Midfielders are Over Rated

Despite the injury setbacks of this season, Steven Gerrard still remains as one of Liverpool’s forefigures. A terrific footballer with fantastic technique, bags of stamina and passion for the game. He has rescued Liverpool many times in the past and has been pivotal in many of their important victories.

So why, with all this proof before me, would I ever claim that Steven Gerrard is not world class? For one simple reason. Steven Gerrard has a lack of a footballing brain. Let me explain further.

Whilst his technical ability is fantastic, Gerrard has always been the typical English midfielder. Hard working and able to cope with the demands of the frenetic “crash bang wallop” style of the Premier League. And this is where his problem lies – he can ONLY play in this style of football.

In a 100mph Premier League game, where players need to act and think fast; where the ball is constantly lumped forward; where looking for the killer through pass or cross is key - Gerrard has been superb.

But when the team is a few goals up and there is a need for a midfielder to slow down, control the pace of the game and above all, retain the ball – Gerrard has not been quite so as good.

Gerrard, along with most other English midfielders, does not possess the intelligent football brain to be able to fully slow the game down and force the match to be played under his rules. In effect, Steven Gerrard does not dictate the tempo of the game, rather the tempo of the game dictates him.

And perhaps this is the reason why so many English players struggle to perform in international football. In the slower, more measured realm of international football where footballing intelligence is needed in order to pick the right pass (which is sometimes simply a sideways 5 yard touch to a team mate) or enact the right piece of skill to retain possession of the ball, English players suffer as they are not used to playing in this manner.

Too many Engish players attempt to force the play in international football with a hollywood style killer pass which, more often than not, is unsuccesful and results in possession being conceded. They are, in effect, attempting to recreate the blood and thunder style of Premier League on the international stage. Which simply does not work when the opposition does not respond in kind.

This explains why England have never been very good at retaining possession.

Gerrard, along with many other English midfielders, has poor decision making brought about by the fact he has been raised in a style of football where there is no time to think.

It is fine if a ball is pinged forward in the Premier League and does not reach its intended target - the constant turnover of possession means it usually comes back soon enough. But do this in international football, and you could well be chasing shadows for a fair bit.

Arrigo Sacchi, the great Italian coach who took Italy to the World Cup final sums it up brilliantly:

"We had some....very good footballers. They had technique, they had athleticism, they had drive, and they were hungry.

But they lacked what I call knowing-how-to-play-football. They lacked decision making. They lacked positioning. They didn't have the subtle sensitivity of football: how a player should move within the collective...

You see, strength, passion, technique, athleticism, all of these are very important. But they are a means to an end, not an end in itself. They help you reach your goal, which is putting your talent at the service of the team...making both of you and the team greater.

In situations like that, I just have to say, Gerrard's a great footballer, but perhaps not a great player"

Perhaps, the most important ability truly world class midfielders with footballing intelligence can do is pause the play.

La Pausa

La Pausa is a well known concept in Spanish football which does not exist at all in English football. As explained by Xabi Alonso:

"The concept of la pausa - the moment when great players seem to put others around them on hold while they pick their next pass - is brilliant applied by Silva and Mata. 'It is that ability to put the brakes on, to feint so that the opponent trying to tackle you ends up missing by a couple of metres. That gives you a real advantage. That is why Mata has fitted in so well at Chelsea - I think they needed that type of player.'"

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2060585/Xabi-Alonso-English-football-Spain-team-leaders.html#ixzz1h7NmshUa

This ability to hold the play and control the tempo of the game is a skill utilized by many of Spain's top midfielders: Xavi, Iniesta, Mata, Fabregas. But it is not just the Spanish who can do it. World Class midfielders from other footballing nations such as Holland and Brazil have been known for this skill. Perhaps the most well known exponent of this concept was Zinedine Zidane, who was a master at dictating the tempo of the game for France and his club teams.

Zidane was able to use his touch and skill to receive a pass, to effortlessly create seemingly acres of space between him and and an oncoming opposition player. When he eventually passed the ball, it wasn't always a killer forward pass - sometimes it was simple a simple 5 yard tap to a fellow team mate.

A moment of skill to create time and space which seemingly slowed the game down and put it under his control; before playing a possession retaining pass. He demonstrated true footballing intelligence.

In the English game, very few players have been produced that can do this.

One of the few players that comes to mind (who in my opinion was truly world class) was Paul Scholes of Manchester United. He was one of the few English players who could consistently carry out this concept of La Pausa and control the tempo of the game. Little wonder then, that he has received far more praise from footballing's greats (including Zinedine Zidane) than Steven Gerard and most other English midfielders.

In fact, so adept was Paul Scoles at controlling midfield play, that he was able to keep playing well into his thirties even when his body was no longer the spring chicken it was once was. This is the mark of a truly intelligent player - one that can adapt their game and still be such a huge influence on the field as their body ages. I, for one, cannot see Gerrard playing consistently into his thirties as his game is based so much on marauding up and down the pitch.

Jack Wilshere of Arsenal, is perhaps one of the few English midfielders at the moment who can demonstrate this concept of La Pausa. He has the technical ability and vision to spray cutting passes forward, but also the footballing intelligence to know when to hold on to the ball and play a simple pass. At the tender age of 19, he is already dictating the speed of play for Arsenal when he is on the pitch.

Let's be clear here though, that I am not Gerrard bashing. He is, along with many top English midfielders, a terrific player with bags of ability. It's just that he lacks a truly intelligent football brain which leaves him a few yards short of being world class.

Why is there a lack of British Asians in English football?

When the issue of race is talked about in football, it is usually concerned with attempting to increase the amount of black managers in the higher echelons of the English league system. However, sometimes it is easy to forget the other pressing concern - the very apparent lack of Asian players in English football in general.

In terms of the oriental community, there have only ever been two British Born Chinese professional football players in England: Frank Soo (Stoke City and the only oriental player to ever play for the England team) and Sammy Chung (Reading and Norwich City). Both these players plied their trade many years ago between the 1930s and 1960s.

Frank Soo

Before going any further, I would like to define my terms. When I say Asian, I am of course, referring to both individuals from the Indian subcontinent and the Far East. In addition to this, I am also referring to British Born Asians – not overseas Asians such as Park Ji Sung of Manchester United or Ryo Myaichi and Park Chu Young of Arsenal.

However, being of South-East Asian descent, my article will focus on the lack of British oriental players. Despite this, I feel these issues raised are also shared with the South Asian community.

So why is there a lack of British Asians in English football? Especially considering that the South Asian community in UK is the largest in the world outside of Asia, and the oriental population is the third largest ethnic community and has seen a steady growth in numbers over the years.

The easy answer could be the lack of talent in these communities, but having been heavily involved in football in the oriental community for a few years now, I can say this is certainly not true. There are certainly some very gifted players plying their trade in various Chinese or Oriental midweek or Sunday leagues and competitions across the country. The same can also be said of Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi descended players who mostly, I have noticed, have terrific dribbling and technical skills.

So where does the problem lie?

Judging from my own personal experience, I can lay down the answer with two main factors: Community culture and British culture.

In terms of the first factor, the oriental community (and particularly the British Chinese), have always placed a huge emphasis on education as a means to better oneself. This predisposition to education and achieving success by such means is an aspect of Chinese culture that has existed for many hundreds of years. It explains why Chinese parents are always incredibly pushy, and why their children always seem to excel in education and end up in well paid careers such as accountancy, finance and law.

The arts and sport are not considered ‘proper’ subjects or viable career options in the eyes of Chinese parents and so their children are discouraged from pursuing them at school. In fact, this also goes some way in explaining why there are not many British Chinese in the media or politics – although this is, of course, another discussion for another time.

In my 11 a side football team, there is one individual who once played for Chelsea youths in 1990s whilst he was in primary school. His aspirations of becoming a professional footballer, however, were eventually quashed by his parents who put him back on the path of education. He is now a successful accountant who plies his trade with us on Sundays when he has time and permission from the wife.

Whilst I do not know the ins and outs of the South Asian community I can say that, having spoken to many friends within it, the mentality amongst the parents is similar to that of the oriental community.

The second factor is English culture. Or perhaps more specifically, English football culture. The fast paced, kick-and-run, physical style football in England exists at all levels of the game. Many Asians, particularly the Chinese, simply do not have the physical attributes for this style of football.

The physicality of English football

This is particularly evident at youth level where children who are the biggest, most athletic and can punt the ball the furthest on an 11 a side pitch (which is often criticized as being too big a pitch to coach youngsters) are the ones earmarked for the future.

Consequently, white and black children are often considered by scouts and youth teams as their often, naturally bigger frames, gives them an automatic advantage in this physical style of football. Even the overseas orientals that have been transferred to the Premier League, are often tall in stature (considered abnormal in their homes countries). Lee Chun-Yong of Bolton Wanderers, for instance, is 5ft 11 – a giant by South Korean standards where the average height of males is 5ft 8.

Lee Chun-Yong of Bolton Wanderers

English football favors strength, size and athleticism over technical skills. And with most British Chinese men being only around 5ft 6 to 5ft 9 tall, and British South Asian men being only slightly taller, there is very little chance of them being considered by professional teams.

In his early years as a youth footballer, Steven Gerrard was written off by his youth team coaches due to his small frame. It was only after his growth spurt in his mid teens when he was finally taken seriously.

Unless English football culture can change its perception of how the game is played, and unless the British Asian community sees a rapid rise in youngsters going against traditional Asian values, there will be very little opportunities for British Asians in this area.

Of course, there is hope for the Asians.

Rory Underwood, the England team's highest ever try scorer in Rugby Union (a sport dominated by big, burly, middle-to-upper class white British) was of Chinese descent.

It can be done.